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第6章 奇经八脉

　　I felt an inexpressible relief, a soothing conviction of protectionand security, when I knew that there was a stranger in the room, anindividual not belonging to Gateshead, and not related to Mrs. Reed.Turning from Bessie (though her presence was far less obnoxious tome than that of Abbot, for instance, would have been), I scrutinisedthe face of the gentleman: I knew him; it was Mr. Lloyd, anapothecary, sometimes called in by Mrs. Reed when the servants wereailing: for herself and the children she employed a physician.

　　'Mr. Brocklehurst is not a god: nor is he even a great andadmired man; he is little liked here; he never took steps to makehimself liked. Had he treated you as an especial favourite, youwould have found enemies, declared or covert, all around you; as itis, the greater number would offer you sympathy if they dared.Teachers and pupils may look coldly on you for a day or two, butfriendly feelings are concealed in their hearts; and if youpersevere in doing well, these feelings will ere long appear so muchthe more evidently for their temporary suppression. Besides, Jane'-she paused.

　　Take to His bosom the poor orphan child.

　　There was one in the room; Bessie went and opened it, and thenasked me to sit down and give her a tune: I played a waltz or two, andshe was charmed.

　　Who blames me? Many, no doubt; and I shall be calleddiscontented. I could not help it: the restlessness was in mynature; it agitated me to pain sometimes. Then my sole relief was towalk along the corridor of the third storey, backwards and forwards,safe in the silence and solitude of the spot, and allow my mind'seye to dwell on whatever bright visions rose before it- and,certainly, they were many and glowing; to let my heart be heaved bythe exultant movement, which, while it swelled it in trouble, expandedit with life; and, best of all, to open my inward ear to a tale thatwas never ended- a tale my imagination created, and narratedcontinuously; quickened with all of incident, life, fire, feeling,that I desired and had not in my actual existence.

　　'No, I have never seen him.'

　　'Well now, Jane, you know, or at least I will tell you, that when acriminal is accused, he is always allowed to speak in his own defence.You have been charged with falsehood; defend yourself to me as well asyou can. Say whatever your memory suggests as true; but add nothingand exaggerate nothing.'

　　The tumult of cessation from lessons was already breaking forth,but it sank at her voice. She went on-

　　'He starved us when he had the sole superintendence of theprovision department, before the committee was appointed; and he boredus with long lectures once a week, and with evening readings frombooks of his own inditing, about sudden deaths and judgments, whichmade us afraid to go to bed.'